the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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