Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And then my night got REAL pukey
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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