I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
