...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
