I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
