I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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