My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
