dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
