apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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