Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
