She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
