In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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