he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
