i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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