My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Found your dick twin last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
