You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
whose parrot is this?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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