Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
