She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
