Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
