Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
