dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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