is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize