ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
