Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
