i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
