I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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