Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
