my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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