So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize