i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
