Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
