Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize