I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
