If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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