Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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