And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
