He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You are the jesus of drinking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
