She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
