I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
