farters have to be the big spoon...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
