All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
soo... how was my night?
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