do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
