I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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