im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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