I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize