This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
