she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
