im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize