legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize