I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize