The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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