Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
