Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
