I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
