sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
