Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
