After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
