the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
