And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
