Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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