I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
