Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
