i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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