I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
