i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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