I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
