Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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